A Moment Then Gone

My Sweet Girl has been sick this week. She missed two days of school and officially has tarnished the potential goal of perfect attendance for her entire academic career. Leo was the one who brought that up.

I know my kids are growing up and getting bigger. They are really almost too big to carry around anymore. But I was carrying her down the hall and she had a good grip on me, a nice engaging hug, when it really hit me. They will never been this little again. Ever. They will only get more difficult to carry and won't fit on my lap much longer. It made me kind of sad really.

They really do grow up too fast. It does seem like only a moment ago they were babies and now Sweet Girl is in 1st grade and Little Man not much behind her.

Soon the moment of childhood will be over and they'll be leaving for college.

At least for now they both like their mom, think I know everything, are convinced I can see through walls and out of the back of my head, and still even though really they are too big they like to be carried. Sweet Girl doesn't mind that I walk with her in the morning line up at school or that I give her a hug and kiss in front of all those people.

Proof positive that I should be enjoying all the moments I can because soon the childhood, my mom is the best moments will be gone.

On My Honor

Watch out people, I've agreed to become a Troop Leader for Sweet Girl's Daisy Girl Scout Troop. I have reached a new level of momhood. I will lead a Troop of 15 5/6 year olds.

Was this by choice?
Well yes and no.

I wanted Sweet Girl to be part of Girl Scouts, I was a Girl Scout when I was younger and still remember the fun I had, even a few years later when I put on my uniform that was 4 sizes too small and decided it was a good idea to roller skate down the street in it but I digress that is another story for another day. I wanted her to join to help her make more friends, gain some more confidence and experience new and fun things (hoping she never does the rollerskating bit). And the Troop was full. Maybe it was maybe it wasn't, but that's what I was told. I think maybe she said that to lay the groundwork for the next guilt inducing comment to the effect of 'The biggest issue in starting new Troops so all the girls can experience Girl Scouts is adult leadership. Would you be interested in volunteering?"

Ah see I got suckered, and I know it. Maybe it was all the cookie selling practice they have? Who knows. Or maybe I just give in to guilt to easily.

So I suckered convinced one of Sweet Girl's friends mom to join me on the journey of molding the minds of 5/6 year old girls and preparing them to be the best damn Daisy Troop ever.

It will be fun.
What the hell was I thinking?
It will be fun.
OMG, how much stuff do I have to know?
What the hell was I thinking?
It will be fun.
It will be fun.
I'm doing it for Sweet Girl.
Damnit to hell if she decides to drop out, no way she's doing that.
It will be fun.

These are my thoughts the past few weeks leading up to our first ever meeting. That meeting hasn't happened yet, so officially I could still bail but I won't. I'm doing it. And I'm going to have fun.

Damn Barbies

I played with Barbies when I was a kid and really I LOVED it. I had so much fun playing Barbies. My Barbies had lives and stories, the whole nine yards. Ask my sister, she'll tell you. She will probably also tell you my Barbies were also sometimes gay, and silly and sometimes they had a lot of sex. And poor Ken, there was a like a 10:1 ratio. Ken had many roles - Father, brother, boyfriend, etc.

But now not so much. Now, I CANNOT STAND IT. I am happy Sweet Girl has Barbies and enjoys playing with them. She has a castle instead of a dream house. She has a jeep and carriage instead of the corvette. She has an assload of Barbies, still only 4 Ken dolls so the ratio is the same even now. And when she asks me if I want to play Barbies with her I cringe. Because I don't to play. I cannot explain it. I would rather watch Barney for 24 hours straight than play Barbies. I try to divert her and play something else, like a game or cards or something. Sometimes this works. Sometimes it doesn't and I have to play. I do my best to seem interested and excited about it. But I have to tell you it's like some form of torture for me.
Don't get me wrong I love doing things with her and playing with her, just not playing Barbies.

She'll probably end up in therapy because I didn't engage with her on things SHE liked to do.

Winds of Change

There are lots of things going on here that I should have been updating on, but alas due to my slacker tendencies I have not.

We're getting better into our routine of getting ready for school in the mornings, better drop offs, and doing homework in the afternoons. I think we've all adjusted nicely to it. Although we're still trying to nail down the best morning routine. All in good time. School drop offs have gotten much better. I even got the I don't want you to walk with me a couple times. I was SHOCKED when that happened. Sweet Girl is making friends and talking to people and doing great. I am so happy and proud of her. I tell her how proud I am of how outgoing she is being and how exciting it is.

And now another change, I did it. I quit my job. I gave my notice and now it's done. It's both frightening and freeing. My last day is September 3rd. What are you going to do, you ask? I have no idea. I wanted a break. I will take one. I will clean and organize my closets. I will probably have to get another job because I will go mental at home all day. I debated taking Little Man out of preschool. But he likes it. And he's learning stuff. I don't think he views me as his "teacher" like that kind of teacher. We've never had those roles, yes I teach him things but not all day every day. And I didn't want to take him out and then put him in if/when I found another job. Not very consistent for the kid.

Maybe I will write the book I've wanted to write.

Everyone tells me, that I will fill up that free time in no time and will wonder why I even thought that I would not have anything to do. Maybe that will be the case.

Maybe I will find out what I REALLY WANT to do? That would be nice. I would like to have that answer and know the joy that comes from doing something you really love and enjoy.

It's kind of an odd feeling, I imagine I will go through some kind of withdrawal and or weird depression of not having to come home from dropping the kids off and jumping into an schedule of conference calls. Or maybe not?

Lots of changes for sure. But I think all for the better. At least I'm hoping so!