22 July 2009

I Am A Candle Burning At Both Ends

I've been doing some thinking in light of my post about having too much going on. I do have too much going on, and how does that happen? I think I have become a victim of myself or maybe it's a result of the current society and how fast moving everything is. We seem to always be busy or running everywhere doing something in every waking minute. You want to sit and relax on the couch? What's wrong with you, man? Sit? Relax? What's that? It's like some sort of syndrome we're dealing with now. The Go Go Go Syndrome. My parents even commented on how much we go and move. Don't get me wrong I like to be out doing fun things with the kids and Leo. I like to go out to eat and I like to do stuff. But it seems like we're always doing something and if we're not doing something I feel like we should be doing something.

I feel like I'm burning the "proverbial" candle from both ends. My head burns with all the thoughts of things I want to do, should be doing, could be doing, need to do, need to do and need to do. It's endless. My feet and legs are burning because of all the moving I do. I'm tired and I'm trying to sort out all my things I could, should, want, and need to do. I get it under control for a while, then it's spirals out again. Maybe I suck at time management. Maybe that is the key to everything, I am a sucky time manager. That and I put a lot of pressure on myself.

You would think with all that pressure and weight on my shoulders I might lose some pounds. But that hasn't happened yet, shockingly enough.
I pressure myself to be a good mom, not the perfect mom, but a good mom. I think I do a good job but could probably do better. Like I probably could spend more time with them in the playroom and just playing with them instead of trying to do other things while we're home. I probably should be trying to help Sweet Girl read more or Little Man learn more.

I pressure myself to be a good wife. I want to be there for Leo and listen and help and work on our marriage. I enjoy spending time with Leo and connecting with him on all kinds of levels. I'm sure he wishes we "connected" more often...

I pressure myself to be a good employee. Even thought I might tell you I don't enjoy my job all the time, I still want to do a good job. If I say I don't care, it's really not true. I can't just NOT care about my work. I have too much pride in what work I produce to not care. It's more of a vent then anything else, there is no stock behind it. At least most of the time there isn't. I know when I get to the point that I really don't care it's time for me to find another job. I do a good job, but I have to wonder why it takes me 4 hours to do something and someone else 2 days? What the hell are these people doing? Get your shit done and move on to something else that needs doing. It's frustrating working with some people.

And there are plenty more pressures I put on myself, but I didn't intend for this post to be a woe is me post, about all the stuff I have to do and blah blah blah. More of one that could springboard some discussion, does this happen to you? How do you handle it? Do you think it's a trend in our society that we're to always be busy or we're not doing something positive for our family?
Has it always been like this and I'm just now seeing it because I'm in the thick of it with a husband, job, kids and all their and our activities? How do you keep yourself grounded and in control and create that "balance"? All rhetorical questions, right?!?!


Crystal said...

Ummmm....please remove yourself from my head - it's crowded enough in there. ;) As for me - sometimes I do so much sitting and relaxing that hubby must think I'm a totally lazy - but seriously, I'm so tired from just THINKING about all the crap I have to do, and the list gets so large and overwhelming, that I just run and hide and watch re-runs of 'House' after the kids go to bed. hehe

Basha's Mama said...

Not to ruin your day but I hear it gets worse as the kids get older and you start getting them involved in more stuff like dance, sports, clubs, etc. I probably err on the side of NOT being involved in enough stuff for my kids benefit but my excuse is that they're going to be over scheduled soon enough, right now it's ok to stay home and do nothing. :)

I also wonder (often) on the whole time management of fellow employees. How do they drag out assignments for that long? It makes me wonder if they're more busy or doing a better job until I realize that they're just slow.

Kelly said...

Ahh sweetie, I'm sorry you are having a rough time right now. Sometimes I think that where you live has something to do with it. When we lived in Miami we always felt rushed and on the go even if we didn't want to be. Once we moved to TN we felt the slower pace of life take over.

Anonymous said...

I am sure this post hit home for a lot of people, I know it did me. Sometimes I just have to force myself to sit down and just play with O, instead of running around cleaning or doing laundry. I think we just have to let the dishes and laundry pile up sometimes and take our childrens cues and just play and not have a care in the world. Push our lists aside because when we get done playing they will still be there.
We do what we do and we do it the best we can.