I have a lot to be grateful for right at this moment. I still have a job. The company is going through layer by layer and laying people off. I made the cut. While we were waiting to hear the outcome I was sort of unsure of what I really wanted to happen to me. In one way I would LOVE to have a breather, a break, some actual time off but on the flip side of that after my breather I would have to find a job and that just blows. So yesterday before my phone call where I would find out which was I was going I decided that whatever happened to me was going to be the right thing. There really was no other choice in how to think about it anymore. So I have a job and that is what should have happened. This morning I woke up with a renewed feeling of being grateful. Grateful that I have a job, Leo has a kick ass job, and we have everything we need right now. I feel lucky and I do feel extremely happy.
I have realized a lot of things lately. I am a little slow on the uptake sometime just because of my pessimistic ways and I am trying to be better although I don't think it will ever go away 100%! I realized that things don't just happen. I can't just sit around and EXPECT things to happen for me. And just sit there and focus on the fact that they are not happening or things are not going the way I expect them to is not really doing me any good at all. I need to take a vested interest in what I want to happen in my life (this may seem excessively obvious to some of you and you're probably thinking jeez she is dense but I do KNOW this, it's putting it into practice that takes effort), whether it is something I can literally control by going to talk to someone or just use positive projection to make it happen. So this is my early new year's resolution, I'm going to keep this up. I'm going to keep up my happiness and positive thoughts.
relating in retrospect
5 days ago