24 November 2008

The Puke Post

**Just a warning, as you can tell this post include tales of puke and other bodily liquids. So if you are easily grossed out stop reading now and come back tomorrow.

Well as you know no trip of ours is complete without an injury of some kind or someone puking. So yes by the title I am sure you guessed we had puke. We had a nice flight. The kids did good. They were excited. We have landed and are getting ready to get off the plane when Little Man tosses his cookies al over the seat. I was stunned. And everyone around us was like ‘oohhhhh’. And they were all very nice, saying we’ve all been there (only a couple folks added ‘but only after too much scotch’ ) and you could tell they felt sorry for him. As I stared in disbelief at my kid standing on the seat with puke pooling around his feet wondering what the hell I was going to clean it up with when he does it again. OMG are you serious kid? AGAIN? At this point I have people handing me the puke bags. Good thing because he did it again in the bag this time. Leo got out and got me a bag and some towels, some lady handed me her pack of handi-wipes. And a thing of Kleenex (have you ever tried cleaning up puke with Kleenex? Ha ha ha). To all these people I don’t know if I even said ‘Thank You’. And that is just rude of me, but if you are reading this by chance. Thank you for coming to my aid with wipes, aid, and sympathy.

I am finally able to exit the airplane after cleaning the seat and getting counted as a through passenger going on to Tampa and having to yell NO I’m getting off, I’m cleaning up puke. Little Man says over and over I threw up I threw up. Yes Little Man you did. And thanks for waiting until the end of the flight to do it. It was probably a good thing that I was so congested I couldn’t smell anything due to the amount of congestion in my head and now my ears. So I can’t hear very well and I can’t breathe. I used Afrin. I am a proponent of Afrin when I can’t breathe. It really helps, although I fear of becoming addicted to it. I will not use it past the 3 days it warns on the label. I guess of all things I could be addicted to I am afraid of Afrin. I mean come on every Walgreen's or CVS or any store really is your pusher, it’s not like I have to go to a dark alley to get my fix. I just walk into the store, buy it and snort and then viola I can breathe. But I digress…I couldn’t get my ears to pop. I tried yawning and then tried to hold my nose and blow. This was a mistake. Because it didn’t’ make my ears pop but it did make mucous shoot out of my eye…yes my eye. Can you say GROSS? I mean seriously I’ve seen people shoot stuff out of their nose, like milk and water and that has never been me. But your EYE? So now I have kid covered in puke and snot coming out of my eye. What a great pair we are. Welcome to my life when we travel.

We were welcomed by my parents and Sweet Girl was so excited. Little Man not so much but hey he did just leave his stomach contents on the airplane. He is leery. In hindsight I should have known that he was probably going to puke again and should have been ready. But I wasn’t. I was unprepared because the next puking incident happened while I was holding him. And where does that puke go? DOWN my shirt. Oh yes I love the feeling of hot puke running down my chest and pooling on the neck of my new Matisyahu shirt. And due to my extremely efficient packing, ALL of my clothes are packed in space bags. Vacuum sealed in the suitcase. Now I am on a mission to find a bag in case he pukes again. I go up to a desk and ask them if they have an extra one. The guy standing there, some airport worker, tries to be funny and asks me if I don’t like my clothes (I was holding an extra shirt for Little Man). I replied ‘Well not when they are covered in PUKE…’ He didn’t see the puke and kind was like ohhh gross. (thanks buddy like I didn’t know it was gross, considering it’s on MY shirt and MY SKIN). But he redeems himself when he gets me a bag. My mom offers me her shirt, to which I am grateful and she makes a risque shirt change since the “shirt” she had under her sweater was a dickie and had no back or sides. So she takes her arms out of her sweater and quickly puts them in her jacket. Nice move, Mom.

We are finally ready to go, Leo and my Dad had gone to get the car and put the car seats in and were waiting in the pick up area. Our car which was supposed to be mid size is instead a giant Mercury Marquis.

The facts my parents were there was a total LIFESAVER. I think without them I would have lost it and went to the bathroom and cried in my puke covered shirt.
I’ll update more later.

4 comments:

Crystal said...

Oh my goodness sake! Poor Little Man...and definitely poor YOU! I was puked on this morning...it was baby puke mind you, so probably nothing like big boy puke...but it was still stinky and it still soaked through my shirt onto my shoulder...so even though I changed my shirt I could still smell soy formula puke. Some day you will look back on this and laugh...probably not any day soon though. ;)

AMB said...

i think casey gets irritated b/c i'll be halfway through one of your posts and make him pause the TV b/c i have to read it to him out loud b/c i'm laughing so hard. i know this was a sucky experience...but the part about your mom's clothing change, i was laughing so hard I couldn't read it. hope everyone's feeling better when we see you!! love ya!

Michelle said...

well, i'll be honest I skipped right over this post! I have the weakest stomach ever! but I did want to say that I am sorry for whatever happened!

Dorkass said...

Well Nerd, I gotta tell you, you've made my day! I laughed so hard I had to quit reading and come back and then I laughed some more. I am not laughing at the puking you know, but your telling is riotous and reads just like you'd tell it in person. I miss you bunches, hope all is well!